The Brutal Beauty of Winter

We’ve reached that part of winter where South Dakota stops pretending.

The forecast has settled into a long stretch of below zero temperatures, the kind of cold that doesn’t care how tough you think you are or how many layers you pile on. This cold is brutal. It cuts straight through coats and sweaters like they’re suggestions, not protection. The wind doesn’t knock. It slams into you, steals your breath, and leaves you staggering for half a second while it whips loose snow into tiny glass missiles that sting your face and hands.

Any exposed skin burns instantly. Not metaphorically. Actually burns. Raw and angry and aching within seconds.

The cold doesn’t stay outside either. It seeps through the windows, through the walls, through the cracks you didn’t know existed. It settles into every room like an unwelcome guest, making the idea of leaving a warm bed feel almost offensive. Even inside, there’s always a chill riding the air, a reminder that winter is very much in control.

This is the kind of cold that makes your whole body ache. Your nose runs, and before you can even wipe it, it freezes, an uncomfortable, ridiculous reality of arctic temperatures. If your gloves get wet, they stiffen and harden, crusted with frost, no longer flexible or warm, just cold armor against colder air. Everything feels sharper. Heavier. More exhausting.

And yet, somehow, this depth of cold brings beauty with it.

Winter sunsets feel more vivid, like the sky is making up for everything it’s taken away. Colors burn brighter and linger longer, purples bleeding into pinks and oranges in ways that feel almost unreal against the frozen landscape. The air is clearer, crisper, and the light carries farther.

Frost clings to trees and fences, delicate and quiet, turning ordinary branches into something almost sacred. Every twig is outlined in white, every field dusted and still. The world feels paused, held in place by ice and breath and silence.

On days like these, the sky sometimes gifts us sun dogs. They’re bright spots of light that appear on either side of the sun, caused by sunlight refracting through ice crystals suspended in the atmosphere. Basically, the cold is so intense that the air itself sparkles. Halos form. Light bends. The sky shows off.

I saw them on Saturday, soft and glowing, but the sky was thick with clouds and I couldn’t get a good photo. Still, just seeing them felt like a quiet reward for enduring this kind of cold. Like winter saying, I know this hurts, but look what I can do.

I hate this level of cold. I really do. I hate how it makes everything harder and slower and more painful, how it drains energy before the day even starts. But I love what winter creates. I love that even in the most unforgiving conditions, there’s still beauty pressing through, still light bending and colors burning and frost turning the world gentle.

Maybe that’s why it sticks with me.

Because winter doesn’t soften. It doesn’t apologize. But every once in a while, it lifts the veil just enough to remind us that even here, especially here, there is something worth noticing.

And I hope I see it again soon.

2025 Summer Bingo (A Love Letter to the Version of Me That Still Tried)

Back in spring, when the days were still soft and I hadn’t yet unraveled under the weight of this place, I made a bingo board.
Twenty-five little boxes.
Each one a whisper: maybe this year will be different.
A scavenger hunt for joy. A quiet dare to hope.

It was a way to take control.
To remind myself that I am allowed to want things.
That life could be more than work and duty and holding everything together while no one notices I’m cracking.

I didn’t say it out loud, but I hoped this board might save me.
Or at least anchor me.
Give me something to reach for when everything else feels too heavy.

And at first, I tried.

Because here we are, deep into summer, and I’ve done a few things.
I got a new coffee. I climbed Cape Henry Lighthouse.
I started a blog. I backed the truck up to high ropes more times than I ever wanted.
I have plans to visit Belties Café.
I’ve hugged Megan. We’ve talked tattoos.
I’ve made frozen bubbles. I’ve watched the sun kiss the water goodnight.

But most of the board will stay blank.

Not because I didn’t want those things. I wanted them so badly.
“Design a greeting card.” “Go to a park.” “Fancy night out.” “Paint with someone.”
Tiny moments. Soft corners of a summer I thought I might finally get to enjoy.
But the truth is, when you are this tired—this stretched thin—
Even joy starts to feel like another thing you don’t have the strength for.

Life doesn’t care that I wrote it down.
Doesn’t care that I carved out space for whimsy and wonder.
Doesn’t care that I needed this.
It just kept asking more of me.
More work. More patience. More silence.
Less time. Less rest. Less me.

So no—I won’t fill the board.
I probably won’t even come close.

But maybe what I did do still matters.
Maybe the real squares were the ones I never wrote down:
“Didn’t quit when everything felt pointless.”
“Laughed when it hurt.”
“Got out of bed anyway.”
“Carried the weight so no one else had to.”
“Let myself hope, even if it broke my heart.”

I am so far past the point of needing this summer to be impressive.
I just needed it to be kind.
And maybe it wasn’t.
But I was.

To others. To the job. To the version of me that still showed up.
And I’m learning to count that, too.

So no, I didn’t win.
But I tried.
And I survived.
And that has to be worth something.