2025 Summer Bingo (A Love Letter to the Version of Me That Still Tried)

Back in spring, when the days were still soft and I hadn’t yet unraveled under the weight of this place, I made a bingo board.
Twenty-five little boxes.
Each one a whisper: maybe this year will be different.
A scavenger hunt for joy. A quiet dare to hope.

It was a way to take control.
To remind myself that I am allowed to want things.
That life could be more than work and duty and holding everything together while no one notices I’m cracking.

I didn’t say it out loud, but I hoped this board might save me.
Or at least anchor me.
Give me something to reach for when everything else feels too heavy.

And at first, I tried.

Because here we are, deep into summer, and I’ve done a few things.
I got a new coffee. I climbed Cape Henry Lighthouse.
I started a blog. I backed the truck up to high ropes more times than I ever wanted.
I have plans to visit Belties Café.
I’ve hugged Megan. We’ve talked tattoos.
I’ve made frozen bubbles. I’ve watched the sun kiss the water goodnight.

But most of the board will stay blank.

Not because I didn’t want those things. I wanted them so badly.
“Design a greeting card.” “Go to a park.” “Fancy night out.” “Paint with someone.”
Tiny moments. Soft corners of a summer I thought I might finally get to enjoy.
But the truth is, when you are this tired—this stretched thin—
Even joy starts to feel like another thing you don’t have the strength for.

Life doesn’t care that I wrote it down.
Doesn’t care that I carved out space for whimsy and wonder.
Doesn’t care that I needed this.
It just kept asking more of me.
More work. More patience. More silence.
Less time. Less rest. Less me.

So no—I won’t fill the board.
I probably won’t even come close.

But maybe what I did do still matters.
Maybe the real squares were the ones I never wrote down:
“Didn’t quit when everything felt pointless.”
“Laughed when it hurt.”
“Got out of bed anyway.”
“Carried the weight so no one else had to.”
“Let myself hope, even if it broke my heart.”

I am so far past the point of needing this summer to be impressive.
I just needed it to be kind.
And maybe it wasn’t.
But I was.

To others. To the job. To the version of me that still showed up.
And I’m learning to count that, too.

So no, I didn’t win.
But I tried.
And I survived.
And that has to be worth something.

Hidden In The Corners

I took this picture at the end of one of those days. The kind where your body feels ancient before the sun even considers setting. Where every muscle aches with the kind of tired that sleep can’t fix. I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down, let alone stopped moving.

I’d been going nonstop since morning— soaked through with sweat and sudden summer rain,
mud on my shoes, hair stuck to my face, filling water coolers, hauling trash bags, fixing what broke before anyone even noticed it had fallen apart. It was the kind of day where the clock slips away from you, where all you can do is keep your head down and push forward because there’s still so much left to do, and you’re the one who does it.

But for a moment—
a rare, fragile moment—
I paused.

I looked up.

And there they were: clouds that held both weight and softness, like they’d been stitched together by lightning and lullabies. They glowed with that strange, storm-lit kind of light—
blue and gold and bruised gray all at once, like the sky couldn’t decide what it was feeling either.

So I took a photo. Something in me said remember this.
Not because it was perfect— but because it was real.
Because something about that sky made me feel like maybe there was more going on than I could see.

Later that night, I was curled up in bed—exhausted, sore, scrolling half-heartedly through my camera roll, just trying to tether myself to something good. And I stopped on that photo again.

And there it was.

A rainbow.

Faint. Hidden in the upper corner. Tucked into the clouds so subtly you could miss it if you weren’t really looking.

And I hadn’t seen it when I took the shot. Not even a flicker. But it was there. It had been there all along.

And I sat there—
staring at that quiet little arc of light—
and felt something crack open in me.

Because that’s what this week has been.
Heavy.
Demanding.
Full of things I didn’t sign up for
and moments that almost broke me.

But it also held things I missed in real time:
a laugh during a water break
that made the weight of the day feel a little lighter.
The wind kissing my face after the storm passed,
reminding me I’m still alive.
The hush of the world right before sunset—
when even the chaos takes a breath.
A rainbow I didn’t know was there
until the day was done.

It reminded me:
Sometimes beauty is quiet.
Sometimes grace doesn’t show up loud and obvious.
It’s tucked in corners,
woven into the ordinary,
soft and steady like a whisper.

And maybe that’s the whole point.

Maybe the good things are still there,
even when we’re too tired to see them.
Maybe the light doesn’t disappear—
it just waits patiently
for us to slow down long enough to notice.

So if your week has felt like mine—
exhausting, unrelenting,
a string of moments that asked too much—
please know this:

There might be a rainbow you missed.
There might be laughter still echoing somewhere in your memory.
There might be grace folded into the day you thought you barely survived.

You are not alone.
Not even close.

Hold on.
Keep going.
There’s still light.
Even in the storm.
Especially in the storm.